Detox: A summary

You may have noticed I stoped posting about my detox. The reason for this was mainly because nothing much was happening it was all ho hum you know? So Now   I will give you my indepth review.

 

So first off..  It can be expencive the pack I got was $80 plus after your 15 days you need to get some healthy bacteria drugs at $33 so firstly make sure your bank balance can hack it.

Start On a weekend if you’re a every day worker. I say this because for a couple of days I felt like shit  apparently this is normal and it means that you did need to do it.   So dont make any social plans for the first few days.

Make sure you READ THE INSTRUCTIONS. I forgot about some pills and as a result I missed some. Didnt effect overall just meant I had some left behind.

It says to take pills morning evening and bedtime, Make sure you do this where possible. I work two evenings a week so I thought I would just take the evening pills before I got home. Dont do that unless you want to be up til 2am  peeing. 

Drink lots of water. Carry a water bottle everywhere you go.  Water is your friend.

This is going to sound gross…. A while on when things inside start to soften up   when you go to pee it may not always end up being a pee. Dont panic! you wont be in the middle of some speech infront of the President and be like “HOLY FUCK I GOTTA GO NOW”  its just like ” Well I need to pee.. No wait… a bit more”

Drink lots of water. I cant say it enough.

Dont start the programme if you’re sick. As you’re not supposed to eat meat and meat has iron n stuff in it that  helps you fight infections.

If you cant not eat meat  then eat chicken and fish. Thats what I did and YES I cooked the chicken.

Dont drink ANY alcohol.  Otherwise you just wasted $80. Seriously.

Dont eat heaps of junk food. Again you just wasted $80. Junkfood sticks inside  you even though you’re doing a detox its not going to help.

If you get headaches, dont reach for the drugs DRNK MORE WATER.  I thought it’d be easy drinking water as I normally do anyway but I trippled my water intake.  YUP.

Be prepared for cravings. Trust me. I had dreams of dancing cheese.

If you’re a caffene freak like I was Ceylon tea will be your new friend. Its tasty. I now have like one coffee a week.

If you’re tummy is making grizzly hissy noises its normal dont worry about it.

If you’re doing full on excercise make sure you drink heaps of water during.  You dont want your insides drying out.

If possible dont exercise outside on a main road with lots of chemicals.

The instructions do say not to use deoderant but like who wants that? If you can find a good deoderant thats free of aluminium then get it. I couldnt find one except the bodyshop’s man deoderant. Not for me so I stuck to my usual  and made sure I didnt over apply like normal.

I think thats everything…

If you have any questions then please ask.

love n hugs

tootle pip

me

Detox Day 7 (yesterday)

Well not much to report really. its going the same. 

Today is day 8 and  I’m supposed to stop taking one lot of pills today but remember at the beginning where I missed some? so I’ll stop taking them tomorrow.

well thats all for this post folks.

love n hugs

tootle pip

me

Detox Day Four

Ummm… not much to report really except

OMFG!! my BOOBS have shrunk!!  I was in the shower the other day got out dried put on bra realised that  there was  A LOT of room in my bra and i thought “shit thats weird”

Before you start telling me that bra companies have different sizes blah blah blah  I know this  I have  four brands of bras: Playboy ( i have 4 all but one are broken woo)  Bendon, Elle Mcphearson, Secret love,  and Perfects.  I know their sizing differences ( elle is the smallest one )  and  I know the bra I was wearing was one of my normal ones so it shouldnt be any different.

So everyone has decided I’m losing weight but off my tits. WHY WHY THE TITS?? I like them they’re not too big, not too small they’re just  right. Clearly they’ve recived my letter to my butt and thighs and THEY have decided to boycott me. Stupid bastards.

On the plus side I can get a lot of stuff down my bra without anyone noticing.

Well  I am going to watch some more of Gilmore Girls Season 7 fuck knows why. it fucken sucks. I could write better.

Love n hugs

tootle pip

meeeeeeee

Detox Day Two

Today I woke up thirsty and needing to Piss like a fucken race horse.

Also decided for kicks to go through the instructions again and realised i missed out some pills. Opps.

right now  I have

• A fucken headache
• need to pee
• have drunk  5 750ml bottles of water today
• am really hungry
• CANT DRNK COFFEE IT MAKES ME SICK

And Also  we had some visitors this morning right when I Really needed to… you know… and I Wanted to fart at the very least but NO because I am polite I had forced it back in and MY GOD the amount of STOMACH pain it caused was just unbelieveable.

Well that is all

tootle pip

love n hugs

me

Detox Day one :An Update

The time is 12:06am of wednesday (YES PAYDAY)   and i feel

• Slightly sick like i want to throw up
• bloated like im six months pregnant
• with a slight headache
• and needing to pee lots…

Oh and the flatmate isnt detoxing with me so its like HARD coz  he gets to eat whatever.  Hes going away next week and doesnt want to be known as the traveling pooper.

Also as a side note  the water in the main toliet is like a dark brown poo colour.  Interesting yes?  So i’m looking at new places to live. even though i  cant be fucked moving again coz the flatmate and i both have like 5x the amount of stuff we had before AND we havent even been here a year.

Anyway. just wanted to let you know

im going to enjoy my ceylone tea….

love n hugs

tootle pip

meeee

Starting Detox: Day One

So I’ve had this detox thing sitting in the cupboard for a while  and I decided that today is the day  I just took one of the pretty (ugly) pills which means there is no going back! yay!!  So  for today  I just take one pill now and then one later tonight and do this for 15 days.

In between I’ve got to take other  pills and drink heaps of water. The drinking water thing wont be so bad because  I drink lots anyway.

The good news???  The average adult has 15 kgs (thats like 32 pounds i think… roughly)  of waste sitting in their colon (wait! it gets better)   and this detox stuff promise’s to get rid of ATLEAST 5kgs (err… 2.5-3pounds) of that waste!!  yay!!!  that means  I LOSE WEIGHT! what a win win!!

The bad news?

Well  I’m not suposed to wear deoderant  (it has metals in it) but fuck that who wants to hang with a smelly Queen??  and im not supposed to eat meat but the flatmate cant not eat meat (hes  got low iron levels and needs to eat meat)  and im not supposed to drink coffee (um….. who wants to hang with a smelly non caffinated Queen? )  and  No junk food  and no fizzy drinks. Those I can do!  and I generally only have one coffee a day, in the morning So I dont think that will matter much.

Also, Im not supposed to run (LOL) around any high  poluted areas. Well that I can certainly do!!

So wish me luck!!

also please wish that i dont get bleeding from my rectum….

Love and hugs

Tootle pip

Your smelly uncafinated Queen. who is currently unsmelly and very cafinated.