A post fuelled by cleaning products!

today was day one of moving  basically just a cleaning day and i never  realised how much  cleaning products really do pong (pong means smells bad)  and they are not good 4 breathing both me and scott  spent a few times runing to the nearest doors  for  fresh air and screaming “FUCK YEAH THATS SOME GOOD SHIT”   so after spending from  5pm til  7pm cleaning we had a break and went and got sum pretty deborah hutton   (shes like australias martha stewart except shes not a convicted fellon)  glasses and some other crap and put it away all nicely… its  now 12am so we spent  a good  4 hours solid cleaning. That place is fucken clean now my friend.

I was thinking about martha. shes a convicted fellon right? that means she cant vote  for priminester  president aye? so she can have her tv shows and her  apprentice and her  cooking products and her linen products yet she cant bloody vote.

Amusing..

I thnk the cleaning products have gone right to the head.

we move tomorrow. not sure when  the internet will be on  so if  you dont hear  from me then you know the fone isnt on. sad huh? its sposed to be connected by sunday (nz time) so you shouldnt miss me too much.

however all thoughts and notes of  absense can be posted around my blog so i feel loved and special.

not  eat the glue special.

OMG GUESS WHAT i got i dream of jeanie on dvd and bewitched!  woo!

and i saw my ex boyfriend tonight.. i wanted to say hello but scott doesnt apporve

he may have a point

im thinkin about it.

the chick in the car… i dont think that was rachel.

i hope like fuck it wasnt kayla.

right

bed time.

love n hugs

tootle pip

meeeeeeeeeeee

xxxoooxxoo

Son of a mother f***ker

so last night wen i was getting told off at work some thing happend and i like  started crying like full on big sobbing big girl tears and so i was trying to calm my self down but then i like started having a panic attack   i used to have another way of dealing with them but we wont go into that  anyway i  had to like figure out how to stop myself from having another panic attack however i have asthma and its generallybrought on by emotional stuff (i swear me and emo’s are like cousins)  and  so i was a bit wheezy after my big telling off however i didnt wanna take my inhaler coz i can deal with it you know? but then i came home and had some alkie (by some  i mean like half a glass of midori and a smidge of lemonade)  and that increased my wheezy ness so today im all   “hhhghhhhhh”   when i breathe.  and i have to move this weekend. woo.

anyway scott is here so i best b off

love n hugs

tootle pip

meeeeeeeeee

My resignantion letter.

To whom it may concern,

i Gertrude Poppy Mcflufferson*  Hereby reisgn from my job at Useless Shop**. AFter the incident today in which i had been a customer and purchased  a Candy man*** on   the layby system unaware that it was in the new catolouge that i had not seen. I would also like to inform you that every fucker uses the special awesome discount card (that only gives 5% discount can anyone say score?)  that is at the font of the shop . I would also like to mention at this point  that Horrcace****  I think you are a fucken wanker  you made me cry, well not you personally but the point is i cried in your presence and i dislike that. So i hereby resign   thus meaning i will have my last day of work as friday the 14th of  December. YES thats right horrace! thats exactly one week b4 christmas.

I am going to apologise now for the amount of markdowns etc that get done  between now and by the time i leave. and no these are not for friends or anyone i know.

so once again horrace. SUCK MY FUCKEN BALLS YOU BIG HAIRY  MOTHER FUCKEN CUNT I HATE YOU AND I THINK YOU ARE ANOYING WITH YOUR HIGH AND MIGHTY POWER TRIP BULLSHIT JUST BECAUSE THE BIG MANAGERS REFUSED TO SUCK YOUR COCK AS IT IS SO TINY SO FUCK YOU.

also… your wife really is  a dog and she has no control over your animals****

yours sincerely

Gertrude Poppy Mcflufferson.

*  May not actually be my real name.

** may actually not be where i work

*** was not the item i actually purchased

**** may not be the store managers name.

***** may not actually be animals but rather.. well you know

I cant wait til Movember is over!

Everywhere i look every blooody male  has a mo! Now i get its supporting a cause and blah blah blah but honestly its like they all have catapillers stuck on the lips and its even worse if theres food in it. or snot.  or boggies.  And… well..

you see..

some people..

should not have  moustaches. they look like freaks.

theres i said it.

man do i feel better

time 4 some breakfast.

love n hugs

tootle pip

your Mo-hating  Queen

Incase you were wondering… YES i am Naturally BLONDE!

Other titles for this post included :  Are you having a bad day? cool come laugh at me!  and  The Queen strikes again!

so you may be wondering what the hell have I done? well folks some of you may no that i wear glasses! this means i am partially blind  without them.. by partially i mean i cant read crap i can still see. So the other week i cleaned the bathroom and re araanged my shower products on  order of what they do  so the shampoos at the front conditioner at the back etc..

However for some reason i was reaching to the back for the shampoo … right now your thinking … what? thats the conditioner you retard! my gosh you kiwis  really are backwards arent you??   no we’re not THAT backwards… im just BLONDE!   so this is possibly the reason my hair hasnt been the best all week.. like hello conditioner than shampoo? yes thats really going to work. I think thats why my hair has been so statically too…   its kind of funny when i use my PINK GHD’s  and my hair looks a bit like einstein.. couldnt 4 the life of me figure out why.. but now i have!

hope you enjoyed your laugh im off to go continue to get ready..

love n hugs

tootle pip

the Blonde Queen.

My christmas present list!

ahoy hoy!

so its like nearly december and i havent got my christmas list up yet! as i know you all want to buy me presents… or at the very least your wondering what the Queen wants for christmas right? good so here goes.

1. The entire set of  gilmore girls including the gilmore-isms booklets  all in a pretty case! its currently on ebay but because im a) not american and b) dont have a credit card   and c) dont  trust ebay  i cant buy it. There is hope! as its made for new zealand/ australia (zone 4 ppl) so it is possible that it will be comming over here  sometime  in the new  year. which means!  you can buy it for my birthday! woo!!

2.  Gift vouchers for bendon would be nice. Bendon is a lingerie store.  Even though i have 4 draws of  underwear 4 is not enough people.

3.  Skinny Bitch: A No-Nonsense, Tough-Love Guide for Savvy Girls Who Want to Stop Eating Crap and Start Looking Fabulous.Author: Kim Barnouin, Rory Freedman
  Its a book and its on  fishpond.co.nz i cant give you the link coz it automatically remembers me and i cant 4 the life of me find how to log out!  no its not coz im blonde its so i’ll buy  more books. duh.   normally this wouldnt bother me but there are books on there that i dont want  EVERYONE knowing i read.

4. Hex and the single girl  by Valerie Frankel.  its another book! im not sure if i want to read this book the main characters name is Emma Hutch. mmhmmmm.. you heard me…  Anyway Valerie is really funny i read her other book “i take this man” its really funny you should read that. if your a chick. or a very feminine man. 

5.  The Washingtonienne  Author: Jessica Cutler    apparently this book is “fictional”  but like whatever… this chick  writes a blog about her workmates, her work, who’s shes fucking etc  and then someone finds out its her OMG!  some people dont liike it. other people raave about it. Valleygirl  likes it. go check out her website. i cant find the link atm remind me to do that when i dont have so many windows open.  on the comp not in my house.

6. Britney spears perfume the midnight fantasy  and  the one that i already have but its getting a bit low its black with a pink puffy thing.  Yeah you know what im talkin bout….

7.  Top up my   glassons card so i can go shopping!

8.  Any posters  by Luis Royo,  Victoria Frances or cris ortega. 

9. anything with audrey hepburn or marilyn munroe on it.  Preferably some coasters with audrey on them. that’d be cool.

10. Something that says Queen Bitch.

11. any smashbox cosmetics would be great.  oh and MAC would also be greatly apreciated.

12. pop tarts… twinkies any tasty american food!! send it to meeeeeee

i think thats all 

love n hugs

tootle pip
 

To post… or not to post ? that is the question but what is the answer?

firstly … i was lookin at the comments part on my dashboard and i have SPAM comments! and in those SPAM comments is ones for PORN! how cool.

 secondly..  theres new mephis meltdown ice cream in a tub! scott was telling me about it and he said they had all the flavours of the iceblocks and  i thought he meant like layerd in one tub. or  perhaps in a 4 squared thing like in a 2 litre container… yeah its not.. lol

and now from embarrassing confessions to something else…

So a lil while back i did a post about some stuff go here to read it if you must. if not read on..

So dad started talkin to me bout the headstone and all that jazz and he said he was maybe not going to have an unveiling coz its more of a maori custom and even though we’ve already done heaps of maori stuff he wasnt sure how fast he wanted to go so i was like “oh really? its just a maori custom? thats odd..  i thought it was like what you do coz  a friend of mine had one  although shes the first funeral i remember being at besides  grandads”  and dad said no apparently its a maori thing. weird huh?

anyway.. so dads like what do you want to go on the headstone?  and im like ohhhhhh i dont know..  and he said about this thing i had  beside the coffin it was like a photophrame with this poem in it i got from a shop in town but… i put it in the coffin.. a long with my weed…  so i tried to find it again today but i couldnt so its obviously gone. which means i now need to come up with something. i have a bit of time but not much. so the pressure is on.  Its bad enough atm i cant really sleep properly  i thnk something will come to me when i least expect it. thats what hapend last time.. i could just use that but its rather lengthy  and also   the headstone is for two people so  thats also kinda awkward.

hmm… i dont know..  i tend to write better with pen and paper too i cant just open up word document and start writing i just stare blankly. im good like that.

I should be packing lol  meh

right and now back to NCIS

thanks for listening.

tootle pip

oh i thought i would ad right down the bottom possibly after you’ve already googled it unveiling is when you have the headstone and you cover it in  some sort of material on the day then you  bless it with  water and some sort of prayer than you say a speech about the person and play some songs maybe have some stories or something like that. it can be different depending on the family or whatever.

Karma is a bitch

Do you remember  how  the other week i went shopping? if not go read the post.

Well today Scott and I went shopping and  all was going well we were at our last stop and OMG did i get shitty.

We went to Noel leemings and yes i am naming this store coz they are CUNTS we walk in the door and  some guy comes up and hes all “hi guys how are you? what can i help you with ? are you just looking” so  i reply “yeah im good  just looking” hoping he’ll get the point that pushy sales people really annoy me!    so he walks off then just as he’s leaving another guy comes over ” hi guys are you right there? can i help with anything?”  and so im getting shitty already  and im like “you could help by fucking off” of course i said this quietly as i walked away..   anyway   7 people asked us for help! yes 7!  then at the end i  asked scott to enquire about a new cellfone  and the guy he asked was like   (imagine an indian voice it sounds better)  “Yes it is $599 same price as it is now. IT was $230 off” and  we’re like “uhh… no… I (scott) paid  $599 for it at full price when it first came out so i doubt you’d have $230 off it when thats its full price”  and  mr indian replied with  “oh well we are not allowed to see the catolougue until it comes out”     and scotts like “Yeah whatever”   then the guy goes “now because it is over $50 we need to ask for information for the warrently”  so scotts like “yeah  ok” and im like “ooh say gertrude Mcflufferson!” (thats my fake name)  then for some reason  the guy gets sum shelia to take  over  the sale and he walks off   so this chick takes over and then we FINALLY WALK OUT and  honestly it was my worst shopping experience ever.

I no longer like erin brocovich (shes doin advertisments for noel leeming now)   but  i must go back to them because if i buy my fone through them  i get  free purfume stuff (which if i dont like im goin to wrap up and give to my cousin 4 xmas) and an incar  talking kit thing annnnnnnnnnd something else.. not sure what

So i think its allllllllllll karma baby… oh well i dont mind i still got free shit

Anyway  do any of you guys know  who sings fade to black? no its not metallica or disturbed or korn its someone else and it sounds cool its old school and its really good its kind of mellow…

help a chick out and i will proclaim my love to you over the internet.

ooh yeah.. who wouldnt want that.

well i best go start dinner pooooooooooooooooooooooo……………. 

love n hugs

toootle pip

OMG YOU PENIS! the server is down 4 maintaince this is just awesome i cant do anything for “just a few mins” i will wait til the ads are on, im watching friends.  so how are you? what are you up too? what are you wearing?  ooh kinky…  i like a man that wears gstrings  so.. how you doing? those are nice shoes… wanna fuck?  OMG ITS charlotte from sex in the city shes on friends!!  ok ads are on. if this is gone then im gonna cry. i really will. then im gonna kick something.   yeah

Memes appear to go around like colds in an office

1. My uncle once:  Drove a streetstock car at stockcars.  well he did it more than once.

2. Never in my life: would  I become a  vegetarian

3. When I was five: I  attempted to run away from home

4. High School was: a great place to hang with my mates and  write notes during class and learn how to fold them into cool shapes

5. I will never forget: those that have past.  And for something not so  saddening… my friend dannielle singing some song  in kindergarten bout some boy..  what was it called… oh  that one that goes DREAM DREAM DREAM… something..

6. I once met: Peter brock and that guy stevens hes the world door slammer champ.. or was when i met him.. races for jack daniels racing drag racing team.

7. There’s this girl I know who:  is a slapper. lol no um..  ahh  Pretended to be my friend but really spread vicious rumours about me.

8. Once, at a bar: I let the barman spray my top with water so it would go see through. and i danced on a pool table. possibly not tha same night

9. By noon, I’m usually:  abusing some cunt for not doing his job properly.

10. Last night: I  really missed a mate ex boyfriend to the point where i ended up crying myself to sleep.

11. If I only had:  a licence to kill mwahahahhahaahahaha… um.. if i only had power and money i would not be here! yes!

12. Next time I go to church:  i cant actually go inside a church. evil is not allowed. lol um.. actually it’ll prolly be for a wedding i guess.

13. Terry Shiavo: Is my love child

14. What worries me most: that I  worry too much. and think to much. and  go over things too much.

15. When I turn my head left, I see: A grey excercise ball that is useless  the rest of the couch and a wall

16. When I turn my head right, I see: A lazy boy chair piled with washing and a cat sitting on top!

17. You know I’m lying when:  i scratch my neck or  rub my face

18. What I miss most about the eighties:  the jetsons, the snorks, the smurfs, the flintstones, playschool  and thts all coz i was born in 86.. OMG ALF!

19. If I was a character in Shakespeare, I’d be: Juliet.  coz she was pretty in  that movie

20. By this time next year: I’l be  older! woo

21. A better name for me would be:  i dunno you tell me

22. I have a hard time understanding: asians,  pacific islanders,  dumbarses. why cetain people in this country beleive they own everything and that i should serve them first because that is what i live for.

23. If I ever go back to school I’ll : cry… see if the food is still good..  go see my old teachers that i liked

24. You know I like you if: I share my weed with you.  if i  keep talking to you. if i make dates to do stuff with  you..  you know i trust you if i let you  borrow my cds  if i dont trust you then i’ll offer to copy it 4 you

25. If I ever won an award, the first person I’d thank would be:   Satan. everyone thanks god. i would like to thank satan

26. Darwin, Mozart, Slim Pickens & Geraldine Ferraro:  are all dead?

27. Take my advice, never: do  as i do. always do as i say. remember i make dumb mistakes so you dont have too!

28. My ideal breakfast is: great morning sex.   or.. pancakes  blueberry pancakes! and hashbrowns!

29. A song I love, but do not own is: that one  that i dont know what its called. im not sure i usually find most song s i like

30. If you visit my hometown, I suggest: if your driving make sure your on the left side of the road. and at  round a bouts  no one indicates so becareful.  and no one indicates in  general so if they dont go then you just go.  Around town. the stock yards might interest you thats where stock go when they’re getting sold.  can be a bit smelly.  the  kowhai park is nice.  scotts brother got married there and highschool stoners hang there at night time.  oh you must go to manfeild! thats  where all the cars go to race n stuff.. highfeild hill is best if you want a view of town but dont go at night coz thats another stoner/sex hotspot. um…. theres some rivers around town i dont know their names but they can b cool to go look at and swim with eeels.

31. Tulips, character flaws, microchips & track stars:  are great things!.

32. Why won’t people:    stop thinkin the second i  go behind the door im not going to magically reappear with their stuff. or why wont people stop assuming that once they tell me their name i know exactly who they are??

33. If you spend the night at my house: You best obey my rules. they are if your in my bed STAY ON YOUR FUCKEN SIDE.  music or tv will be on. it is not an option to sleep in silence. in the morning… dont talk to me..just get up do your thing i’ll do mine. when i’m halfway through my coffee MAYBE i will talk to you but dont talk to me until i talk to you. unless your like chocking or something.  after coffee is finished then possibly expect me and scott to b a lil bit crazy.

34. I’d stop my wedding for:  the  other groom to show up. to realise  marrying my ex would be a big mistake. (story behind that)  for the  food people to inform me that theres no booze.

35. The world could do without: Idiots. drug fueld murder rages.  George bush.

36. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: lick  an asshole 

37. My favorite blonde is:  me! or my cousin shes so dumb its funny. or  norma jean

38. Paper clips are more useful than:  my manager and team leader…. ohhhhhhh who made me write that?

39. If I do anything well, it’s:  talk my way out of things  in other words. bullshit

40. And by the way: I MOTHER FUCKEN LOVE Y’ALL

I want to bake… no really I do!

As y’all know its Thanksgiving in USA this weekend even though today is monday they are still having their weekend lucky bastards    so a lot of blogs contain things  about thanksgiving… I’ve always wondered what pecan pie was   you see i thought it was that bird in a pie but that bird is called a pelecan so i asked what it was and now i know!  pecans are actually  a type of nut!  so now i want to make pecan pie!

See doesnt that look tasty???? 

And For scotts and my Housewarming/ christmas party dinner thing scott is going to do a turkey so i figure if we’re doing a turkey then i should make a pecan pie?  embrace the whole american tradition lol However,  I am alergic to nuts. At first i thought it was just peanuts but after several tries with other forms of nuts i have concluded it is most nuts. On the other hand all that happens is my throat closes up and i find it difficult to breathe. Except the last time i ate peanuts i was drunk at eating from a communial bowl at a pub in town and the next day i kept throwing up but that could have been the vast amounts of zambuka i drank. or the black russians…

So in conclusion i am going to make pecan pie because we have pecan nuts in new zealand! woo!  and it doesnt look that hard.  go me!

now im going to get me some lunch.. im thinking of  grilling some vegetables and eating them with a bit of sweet thai chilli. mmm…. tasty…

love n hugs

tootle pip

oh and just for josh/ supreme commander …  tootle pip